Mommy and Daddy

This one is for my parents.

I haven't written an entire post about them since I got here. I don't know why; probably because I've had too many emotions inside me that I couldn't even fathom trying to get the words out. But here they are. And mom, if this makes you cry, I'm sorry... ;) But dad, if this makes you cry, it's payback for the socks!

Okay well where should I start? I used to think when I was little that my parents should love me more than they loved each other. Why? Well I was their little princess of course! I used to always ask mom "do you love me or dad more?" and dad "do you love me or mom more?" These were silly questions to ask, of course, and they always answered: "I can't choose between you two, I love you both so much!"

I get that now. And I respect them both so much. Each time I see their faces on my computer screen, I miss them so much more. They're so amazing. I used to wonder how, after twenty-five years of marriage, they still keep that flame alive. It's so clear that they are still madly in love with each other, how I always see them holding hands, come home from a late night out with friends and see them cuddling on the couch together, play chauffeur and drive home from dinners out and look in the rear-view mirror and see them kissing...

They both have such big hearts, and I think that shows in me. I have the most functional, loving, adult relationship of anyone my age, without a doubt, and it's all because I have had an amazing example of what a model relationship should be like set for me in the past 18 years. I want to be a teacher because I have always been treated with dignity by the adults in my life, especially my mom and dad. I have been given so much love throughout my (almost) 18 years... Actually over 18 years because they loved me before I was even born. Growing up, they were always my best friends, without a doubt. I have so many goofy pictures of me as a little girl, making silly faces with my daddy, playing tug-of-war with my dad as he gave me a bath, baking with mommy, my face covered in flour. The best memories of my childhood involved the two of them.

Every time I see them on my computer screen, I can't help feeling a little bit guilty for them. I imagine being in their position, thinking "Wow, we poured 18 years of our lives into that kid, work hard to raise her, spend a large percentage of our money just to fulfill her needs, and what to we get? She desserts us for a boy! Harrumph!" But right after that, I smack myself in the head and say "Get a grip: that's exactly why they did all of that for you! So that you could grow up to be a whole person, have a level head, know what you want to do, and go for your dreams!" And I love them for giving this to me. They have done so much for me to be able to be where I am right now, and as much as I'm sure it kills them to have me living so far away (I know it kills me! I miss them like crazy!) I know at the same time they are so proud of me because they somehow, even from thousands of miles away, still manage to remind me of that every single day.

Today I recieved a package in the mail from them! How cool is that? Inside were more things from home to make me feel more comforted over here. DVDs, my bathrobe, instant Ramen noodles (they really aren't kidding when they say this is college kid food), some new clothes. But the socks, those are really what kills me.

Every year, for either Fathers' Day, his birthday, or Christmas, I get my dad a package of socks. I always choose the thickest and softest ones I can find, because that's what I like best. And unfortunately for my dad, I always end up stealing the poor guy's socks. Half my sock drawer is filled with my parents' socks because they're just so dang comfy. So, tucked in with some crew socks that my mom and I fight over constantly, was that one pair of greenish-gray socks that I always stole on Saturday morning before dance class (they are the best for turning!). As I sat on the edge of my bed with my back to Andrew (who was sprawled out relaxing after a long day of dealing with my stress), I held the socks in my hands and just began to weep. Not out of sadness, necessarily, but just because I love them so much. They are so thoughtful; they have given me so much throughout the past 18 years.

Tonight, as I fall asleep, I'll look at their pictures that are taped up on my wall next to my bed. A picture of me hugging my mom tight just before leaving for senior prom, she so happy to see her little girl turn into a young woman, a picture of dad and I at graduation with me giving him a big smooch on the cheek and him grinning with joy at the success of his little girl. And I will miss them sooo much, as I always do, but I'll know that I'm the person I am today because of them, and that I couldn't be here without their guidance in my life.

I love you, mommy and daddy, and even if there's some days that I don't get to talk to you guys, know that I think about you every night before I go to sleep. Only 3 more months till the Three Musketeers reunite :) miss you guys. xoxoxo Love, Bug <3